Saturday 15th January 2011

Well tonight we went to a 'say goodbye to the boob' party held by friends of ours, which was kind of bizarre but everyone was in really high spirits. Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a mingling kind of person and i'm not very comfortable in large crowds, especially when those crowds consist of middle-class people with posh accents. I felt really out of place and left me wondering whether i will actually ever make it as a surveyor especially when i don't feel comfortable with groups of people trying to pretend to be more than they are.

Part of me wonders whether I would have been better sticking to a job that at least i could have made friends with people that i could just have a right good laugh with. Or maybe, and hoping it's the latter, that really i am so comfortable with David that I don't feel the need to go out and make new friends, because he really does provide me with all the love and friendship I need.

Thursday 13th January 2011

Ha well failed to blog yesterday, less than 2 weeks into the New Year and I have failed to do a blog a day. I was really ill last night with stabbing pains and contractions, no not with labour but a frigging period. On the plus side, the doctor agreed I couldn't go on like this so I am back on the mini-pill so hopefully it won't be long before my periods stop.

Big blow-out in the house tonight, Jessica is hormonal and blew up in my face and David (bless him) had a go at her which she took rather badly so she ended up texting Frank asking to be put in a home. I had a chat with her later and she's all over the place with her emotions. I feel really bad when she's hurting but I cannot put up with her not being able to refrain from blowing up at people. Her counselling was supposed to help her find ways to cope with her different emotions and to recognise when she needed to take herself off into her room instead of hitting out at everyone. I feel really let down as we have had no support because she's not the worst, no she's not but it's enough to make me feel like I don't want to be here anymore when she's being like this.

Tuesday 11th January 2011

I have felt less murderous today mainly because it feels like someone is murdering me by constantly slicing a knife through my stomach. However, i'm going to give it a couple of months to decide whether to go back on the mini-pill as i don't like the idea of putting more chemicals in my body.

Monday 10th January 2011

Today has been an emotional and draining today. My periods are threatening to come back in full flow and left me feeling very tired and wanting to thump anyone who looks at me the wrong way. I just want to curl up in a dark room and sleep for days but of course I can't, so i need to find a way to get through this.

Also feeling very emotional today because after all my hard work with my weight loss i have put a stone and 10 pounds back on, meaning total weight loss is 2 stone and 3 pounds. Watching 'The Biggest Loser' just had made me envious that they all seemed to push themselves through their pain barriers and I have still to find a way to do that.

Sunday 9th January 2011

Still bitterly cold and dangerously icy outside - dreading the morning as it's like a skating rink out there. Fritz or Skittles (not decided on the name) has the right idea.

Saturday 8th January 2011

Today was spent with one half being pampered with a head massage, conditioning treatment and hair cut and then the other half was stuck in the uni library searching for journal articles for my dissertation. Totally depressing that the work is back on to get my dissertation done and can't wait for the end of April when it will be over. On the upside I am now watching Transporter with a wee vodka - yum yum.

7th January 2011

So today has been a mixed bag. Went to uni and got my feedback for my interim report for my dissertation - got 79% which gives me 16% towards my final dissertation mark. I was really pleased with this but having got my feedback, now means i can get on with my literature review. so tomorrow i am going to enjoy getting my hair done courtesy of KGBdeals (£18 instead of £72) and then pulling a full day in the library at uni. However, I am enjoying a few vodkas tonight.

Thursday 6th January 2011

Virgin Media are severely pissing me off. 36 hours after I requested our number to be changed and I still don't have a new phone number. Better still, I don't even have our old number - we are minus landline at the moment and it's a total pain in the arse.

Wednesday 5th January 2011

First day back at work after the holidays stank completely, not long in the office and I really wanted to commit murder.

Tuesday 4th January 2011

Have really enjoyed my last day of relaxation today before work and uni stuff begins again. Filled with dread at the thought of the next 4 months of completing my dissertation along with my other uni modules and work stuff. I don't want to let my family life suffer but these past few years have been a warm up to this stage and I just hope that I can perform a really good juggling act.

Ironing and putting a load of old over-sized clothes on Ebay made me realise how boring my previous dresswear was. Lots of same clothes in different colours, no wonder I felt fat and frumpy. Well no more, I am now going to browse car boot fairs, Ebay and charity shops for different clothes so that as I continue with my weight loss I can feel more interesting and good about myself.

2nd January 2011

Today I have been successful in downsizing my wardrobe by sorting out all my over-sized clothes and putting them aside for Ebaying tomorrow.

Note to self: remember this feeling of wanting to hurl and empty stomach contents after eating nearly a whole tub of Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt. Never to be repeated

1st January 2011

Today I discovered Twitter, I may be gone for a very long time.